Relationships are never easy. They require time, communication, effort, forgiveness, and grace upon grace. The relationship between a worship leader and a pastor has layers of complicated dynamics at play: they are often your boss (your direct manager), your pastor (helping to shepherd your soul as a follower of Jesus), a friend (a relationship that exists outside of merely working together), a mentor (walking with you in personal relationship toward the Lord), and your employer (responsible in some way for your livelihood). These are complex and overlapping circles of relationship. While every person is unique, every relationship specific to the individuals involved, as I reflect on some of the relational pain, as well as evidence of God’s grace in relationships with pastors I have served alongside, here are a few things I hope will benefit you as you seek to work, worship, and serve in relationship with your pastor.
Focus on your own personal holiness. I am often reminded of Robert Murray McCheyne’s exhortation to pastors, ‘The greatest need of my people is my personal holiness.’ I believe this could be true in all our relationships - relationships with our spouses, coworkers, classmates, children, parents, siblings, team, etc. When I am more concerned over my own need to be conformed to the image of Christ, I am far less concerned about the failings of others. We are all in desperate need of the same grace of God. And when we recognize our own need, and gratefully accept God’s grace, how could we be angry, impatient, hostile, or ambivalent toward the same need in others?
You are on the same team as your pastor. A team that is being pulled in different or opposing directions cannot succeed. We must all keep in step with the Spirit personally and as a team. You are not in competition over vision, direction, or time on the platform each weekend. When we are in competition, we are proudly serving our own kingdom, rather than in humility serving Christ’s kingdom. Ed Welch says
‘Prayer is evidence of humility. Prayerlessness means that we neither believe Him, which is pride, nor turn to Him because we prefer to trust ourselves.’ (Ed Welch, Running Scared).
Pray for your pastor. For their own personal holiness, for their walk with the Lord. For wisdom and discernment to lead and serve God’s people well. For protection from the Enemy. Pray for your own heart to know how to love, serve, and encourage your pastor as you serve side by side for the glory of God and the good of His people.
Your pastor needs your support and encouragement. Our pastors carry more things than we realize. How can you speak life and courage into the hearts, and into their ministry? Talk to them, not about them. Assume the best, give grace. Speak well of them in their presence as well as in their absence. Honor God by honoring your leaders.
Relationships take work, but that cannot be work done by a single individual. Healthy relationships will require both people dying to self, and seeking the good of the other. Unfortunately, even within the church, even among those leading and serving the church, this is not always representative of how we interact one with another. Because of our sin, because of the Enemy’s desire to bring disunity and chaos into the Body of Christ, because of our own experience and baggage, we stand in constant need of God’s grace, mercy, and kindness to keep and sustain our relationships.
If you are involved in a relationship with your pastor that is abusive in any way - please seek outside, expert care and counseling. I am reminded of the Apostle Paul’s words in Romans: ’If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.’ (Romans 12:18). The sad reality of living in the broken world is that sometimes - even when we have done everything we know to do - it is not possible to live peaceably with all.
If you’re a pastor, here are four things that you worship leader needs from you.