Seasons end and new seasons begin. Sometimes these are endings we choose, sometimes they are thrust upon us. Sometimes things fade slowly over time, sometimes things are done in a moment. But how do you know if it is time to move on from a place where you have invested a season (or more) of your life?
There are no easy answers, but I do know that uprooting your life, your community, and your serving should give you pause. This is a decision that should be considered in prayer, seeking the discernment of the Holy Spirit, and being engaged in the community.
Ask questions. Am I running from something? If God is pursuing some specific space in our sin-sick hearts, you will never be able to outrun Him. You can avoid, and ignore all you want, but the same sin-sick heart will follow you everywhere. Do I think the grass is greener? Ministry is hard everywhere. Don’t allow one interaction or a rough season to send you spiraling, and searching for a better life somewhere else. What is the most loving thing to do at this moment?
Seek wise counsel. If you are lucky, maybe this is a pastor or elder at your church, who can help you navigate if God may be leading you toward a new season of life and ministry. Be wise in seeking your wise counsel - this is not for the purpose of gossip or airing of grievances, but inviting someone to walk with you as you seek the Spirit together.
Exhaust your options. Don’t run, press in again, and again, and again. By the empowering of the Holy Spirit, seek to live as Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
Pray, pray, pray. Listen more than you speak.
Be honest, with yourself and others. Don’t lie, or exaggerate. But also be aware that not everyone is safe. That not everyone needs to hear the whole story. Sometimes the most loving thing to do, the most truthful thing to do, is to keep your mouth open to God and closed to others.
Benedictine monks take three vows: a vow of stability, a vow of fidelity, and a vow of obedience. Vows tether us and remind us of the larger story to which we belong. Vows hold us secure when things are hard and painful and we are tempted to give up, give in, or walk away. Most of us will not take vows to serve on staff, or as a volunteer within the local church - although we may take membership vows to our local church - but the picture of stability is one that we should all desire to emulate in our life as followers of Jesus, and wherever He leads.
The truth is, the church is made up of broken people. There will be sin and brokenness in every church we attend, serve, labor, and work. But there is a difference between sinful brokenness and toxic abuse. If you think you may be in an abusive situation, you need to get to help and safety quickly. Find a counselor, mentor, or therapist who can help you navigate the complexities of your situation.
Staying is hard. Leaving is hard. Learn from the wisdom and mistakes of others who have walked a similar path. I found this conversation between Beth Moore and Russell Moore to be so helpful on this topic. You can listen to it here.