The first time I led worship in an Anglican service, I was glued to the printed liturgy - I didn’t know the order and did not understand the rhythms and movement of the gathering. Anytime I have been asked to play or sing at a wedding, I stare at the program as if I am looking at a flight tracker in the airport - as though each element will be changed and updated in real time.
When I am unfamiliar or uncertain, I find it very difficult to be present to the Lord, present to His people, and present to what He might be doing in this moment.
I wonder if you might feel the same. When the order of our service and liturgy change weekly, when we add in something outside of the normal rhythms of our gathering, and when we are unfamiliar with the music, it becomes increasingly difficult to be present to anything other than simply executing whatever right before you.
But when we are familiar, we are freed to be present. When our minds know a melody, when our fingers find the chords without looking, our eyes can be lifted to the people, rather than the paper. Our hearts can be attentive because they are still rather than churning.
So why not find more regular rhythms in your gathering if it means you can listen and speak from a greater degree of presence to the Lord and His people? Why not spend a little bit more time learning and internalizing that song before introducing it to the congregation? Why not spend a little longer lingering - a little longer rehearsing, a little longer being present?